Getting Started

A few preview pics of transforming Luke's old room into Nora's new room:

I live with such helpful men:)

More pics to come as everything comes together!

Waiting...

From my last post, you know we're approaching 33 weeks of pregnancy with Nora.  This week I've started feeling a lot of antsiness (I'm sure that's a word;)) about getting things done before she arrives.  I cannot tell you how many lists I have started:  to do before Nora, do buy before Nora, to do after Nora arrives, etc.  Well, after talking with my lovely husband, who puts up with my lists and antsiness about the future regularly, I'm realizing the root cause of all of these feelings and attempts to prepare:  lack of control.  I know our life is going to be turned upside down once Nora arrives and my lack of control over that reality and lack of ability to plan for that reality have been leading me to make lists/plans for the things I can control.  Ridiculous I know, but it's my coping mechanism.  I know there is a level of being prepared that exists, like we need a car seat before she's born so we can bring her home from the hospital.  But I also know that if we forget something we are less than five miles from WalMart.  I may not feel up to a shopping trip after Nora arrives, but Brent could easily run to the store to get whatever we need. 

I'm also having a harder time with the unknowns of labor and delivery.  I don't remember having this anxiety while pregnant with Luke, but I didn't have any frame of reference the first time around either.  We are planning for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with Nora and have gotten no news from the doctor that we would be unable to try.  But still, every time we go to the doctor, I wonder if we'll learn something that would change our VBAC plans.

I'm also feeling strange as I wait for Nora.  I'm ready to meet our little girl and begin our "new normal."  In the midst of those thoughts, I'm also sad to see the 6+ years we've had with just Luke coming to an end.  Brent mentioned the other day that after Nora comes we will have a hard time remembering life before her.  I know that is true because I cannot remember life before Luke.  I don't want to wish our final days away as a family of three. 

All in all, I'm just not good at waiting.  I feel like I could/should be doing something to prepare for the changes ahead, but I'm trying to be content where we are in these final weeks before Nora arrives.  I am trying to embrace where we are: I can rest when I need, read a book when I want...pretty much take life at our desired pace.  Life with an infant will revolve around baby's feeding and sleeping and the rest of life fits in between somehow:) 

I think that about covers my rambles for the day.  It feels good to admit where I'm at, even if I don't have it all figured out:)

32 Weeks

At 32 Weeks you are:

• Head down!  The doctor confirmed it today at our appointment. One more positive on the path to a VBAC:)
• Causing your momma some indigestion.  I've had four bouts of unexplained upset stomach in the past two weeks.  I don't get any warning and I just start feeling sick to my stomach.  The doctor said it was probably due to my stomach and digestive system being pressed for space and Nora's movements that could be kicking my stomach and essentially pushing the contents back near my esophagus (which can lead to nausea).  It usually passes after a couple hours, but it hits me fast and pretty hard when it happens. 
• Busy, busy, busy!  Momma got a video of your thumpin around yesterday while my stomach was upset.  At least I can make the most of my resting time!

At 32 Weeks we are:

• Getting more anxious about all of the things we'd like to get done before you arrive.  In all truthfulness, it's momma who's getting anxious.  As usual, Daddy is not flustered at all.  That's why we make a good pair:)
• Feeling well educated after finishing the classes with took through pre-natal education:  car seat safety, pre-natal review, breastfeeding, sibling class, and VBAC class. 
• Looking forward to a busy June, which will most likely go very fast, then it will be about time to meet you sweet girl!

Running & Remembering

Last Friday, Brent ran in the Stay Out of the Sun Run 10K, the seventh annual event in Rochester to raise funds for Melanoma research and to raise awareness for the need to protect our skin while in the sun. This was our first experience being involved with the run/walk in any capacity, but I see an annual family event on the horizon for us.  If you know me well, you know that I am quite adamant about a couple things, wearing sunscreen is one of them.   (Recycling is the other, but that's for another post:))  Wearing sunscreen has been important to me since I was in elementary school and my uncle David was diagnosed with Melanoma, the most dangerous type of skin cancer.  After watching him struggle through treatments, appointments/tests, and finally succumbing to Melanoma and seeing the incredible pain it caused his entire family, I cannot ignore the warning signs and any attempts to prevent Melanoma from striking again. 

David has been gone now for 18 years, but his memory is still very much a part of my past and present.  In an effort to make any difference I can, I am looking forward to many years ahead of supporting and participating in the Stay Out of the Sun Run.

My guys before the run

In the Middle

Tonight we were blessed with the opportunity to attend a service at Oakwood Cemetery to remember the babies we have lost to miscarriage.  Mayo's OB department, in conjunction with the chaplain and social work departments, holds a service twice a year for parents who have lost babies during pregnancy.  This was the second of their services we've attended and it means so much to have a time to remember our babies in a concrete way and to feel the community of so many others who have suffered a similar loss.  The service is held in the Aisle of Innocence, which is right inside the Oakwood Cemetery entrance to the right.  The small area is dedicated to the loss of babies pre- and post-birth.  It's really a special place if you ever get a chance to visit. 

The last time we attended was almost 9 months after our first miscarriage, which we lost due to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in October 2009.  Tonight, I realized what a completely different place we are in today compared to two years ago.

Tonight, I was surrounded by my amazing husband and my precious son, while feeling the movements of our Nora in utero.  All of which were comforting, but it also got me thinking about our journey. 

We started trying for a family the fall of 2004.  After a few months of trying, I was already quite concerned for our prospects of getting pregnant due to my diagnosis of poly cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) in 2001.  After a small intervention by my doctor, we were pleasantly surprised by a positive pregnancy test in June 2005.  We were expecting Luke!  June 12, 2005, our first positive pregnancy test, marked the beginning of our journey as parents.  We were beyond blessed when Luke joined us on February 16, 2006!

A few years after Luke arrived, we decided we were ready to try to expand our family.  So, in October 2008, we began trying again with reserved optimism.  We had no idea if it would take us close to a year to conceive again like it did with Luke or what the future would hold.

A year passed without any positive pregnancy tests, so we finally met with our family medicine doctor to see if there was anything we could be doing to help our efforts.  He started me on a medication that is thought to help women with PCOS in August 2009.  By October 2009, we were pregnant with our second baby!  The pregnancy had warning signs from the beginning, but we were still SO excited to be expecting another child after trying for a year.  On October 23, 2009, we learned that our baby had implanted in my left fallopian tube (instead of my uterus) and that my fallopian tube had ruptured due to the baby's growth.  I had surgery the same day to remove my fallopian tube and our very young baby.  Our second baby was due to join our family on June 13, 2010.

After recovering physically from surgery and beginning of the process of recovering mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from our loss, we were told that I should continue on the medication I started in August 2009 and that we could try again.  Trying this time was not filled with as much optimism as before, but even after our loss, we knew we wanted to expand our family.  So, we tried again, for about a year and a half.  We finally decided in the spring of 2011 to meet with an infertility specialist to see if she had any options for us.  After testing both Brent and I, she did not find any reason that we should not be conceiving.  This was good, yet confusing news.  Why had we had no success after another year and a half of trying???  The infertility doctor decided to increase my medication (by 4 times) and she was optimistic that we would conceive again.  After just one month of increasing my medication, we were ecstatic to learn in May 2011 that we were pregnant with our third child! 

We had been told after our ectopic pregnancy experience that we should be seen early in the pregnancy to be sure that this baby implanted in the uterus where it belonged.  So, even though we had no warning signs like with our second pregnancy, we visited the doctor about 6 weeks into our pregnancy.  He told us that our baby was indeed implanted in my uterus and that it was measuring 5 weeks in size and that he could not confidently see a heartbeat yet since the baby was so small.  He advised that we return when we were 8 weeks pregnant.  We returned at 8 weeks to learn that our baby had not grown past 5 weeks gestation and that it did not have a heartbeat.  Our third baby was due to join our family on January 6, 2012.

The loss of our third baby was completely different than the loss of our second baby in every way: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

Once again, after a couple months of physical healing, we began trying again to expand our family.  We were very surprised to have another positive pregnancy test in October 2011.  We were very cautiously optimistic with our fourth pregnancy.  We were afraid to tell anyone, but really most afraid to let the reality sink into our hearts for fear of losing another baby.  Unfortunately our fears were realized when we miscarried only a few days later.  Our fourth baby was due to join our family on June 14, 2012. 

The loss of our fourth baby was again very different from the loss of our second and third babies.  This time my heart was hardened and very little hope was present for the possibility of expanding our family.  But, we decided to visit our infertility doctor once again.  We felt like our situation had changed considerably in the past six months.  We had gone from years of trying with infrequent success in conceiving to two pregnancies and miscarriages in five months.  Our discussion with the infertility doctor in early November 2011 was focused on how keep a pregnancy rather than how to get pregnant.  Our doctor recommended that I start taking a baby aspirin a day and to use hormone supplements in hopes that the combination would sustain an early pregnancy. 

Low and behold, we had a positive pregnancy test just weeks after visiting the doctor.  By Thanksgiving, we learned we were pregnant with our fifth baby!  Did the medication changes recommended by our doctor make a difference in that short of a time???  All I know is that I was a nervous wreck.  We were scheduled for our first ultrasound at seven weeks.  I was so nervous the day of the ultrasound that our doctor thought I was suffering from morning sickness just by looking at my pale face.  We were SO relieved to hear the ultrasound tech say that she saw the heart beat!  In our thoughts, we were not out of the woods yet, but it was a step in the right direction.  We had another ultrasound at eleven weeks and once again got to see our baby's heart beat.  Our OB doctor was kind enough to schedule us appointments every two weeks until our anatomy scan at 18 weeks as he knew it eased our minds considerably.  On February 16, 2012, the day our first born turned six years old, we learned that we had a healthy baby girl on the way.  We couldn't have been more relieved.  Our fifth baby is due to join our family July 17, 2012.

Our journey has been filled with peaks and valleys and has taken far longer than we ever expected, but it has also brought us to the exact place we are today.  I do not understand why we do not have a nearly two year old (if our second pregnancy had not been lost).  I do not understand why we do not have a four month old (if our third pregnancy had not been lost).  And, it gets even more complex from there...if our third pregnancy had not been lost, we never would have experienced the loss of our fourth pregnancy and I would not be feeling Nora moving around inside me as I type today.  There are still so many pieces that don't make sense and many questions we cannot answer.  But our reality is that we are blessed with a six year old boy who has brightened our days even in the midst of the valleys, that three of our babies are awaiting us in heaven, and that, God-willing, we will meet our baby girl this summer. 

Someone asked me today if we would be done having kids after Nora is born...if I have learned nothing else from the past seven years, it is that we do not know what the future holds and that our best laid plans can take turns we never expected.

In memory of the babies we have yet to meet:

Baby #2 ~ Lost October 2009

Baby #3 ~ Lost May 2011

Baby #4 ~ Lost October 2011

Proud Parents

We have a precious son, who makes us proud everyday.  As you know, he is also quite timid.  So, last week, Brent and I were beaming when we learned of two situations in which Luke showed his kind and sensitive heart while also sticking up for kids around him that he recognized as the underdogs or in need. 

First, Luke told us about a situation on the playground at school.  He said that there was a preschooler who was being picked on by some kindergarten and first grade boys.  He said that he told the boys to stop bugging the preschooler.  He never told us who the boys were that were picking on the preschooler or what all the situation involved, but we were SO proud that he confronted the situation when he saw someone in need.  As a funny side note to this story, I asked him if he told a teacher about the situation.  He said that he didn't want to bother the kindergarten teacher who was on the playground because she's really pregnant and wouldn't want to bend down:)  Can you tell he's noticed me trying to avoid bending over as I've gotten further along in this pregnancy;)

Then, at MOPS last week, one of the moms told me how her daughter who is in Luke's MOPPETS class shared a recent situation.  The little girl said that some of the boys were chasing her and that Luke intervened and asked them to stop.  Once again, we were SO proud to hear of him standing up for another kiddo.  Later when I mentioned the story to Luke, he didn't remember it specifically, which leads me to believe it wasn't a stressful moment for him to intervene. 

I have to say that hearing situations like these gives me great relief when it comes to Luke growing up.  He's always tended toward being timid, while being very caring and sensitive at the same time.  We're so glad to see that acting on his sensitivities was not stifled by his shyness in these situations.

Sprinkler Fun!

May 14, 2012 was 84 degrees, sunny, and beautiful...obviously it was time to get the sprikler out!

Some of Luke's sprinkler fun...



No more photos please

31 Weeks

Mother's Day 2012

At 31 Weeks, you are...

• Still a busy lady!  This evening my stomach was feeling upset and your break dancing was not helping;)
• Are probably still lying transverse (horizontal).  I'm assuming this because the location of movements have been similar for the past few weeks and the doctor said you were transverse at our 28 week appointment (we have an appointment next week to verify)
• Well set for 0-6 month baby clothes.  I took an inventory last week of what we had for 0-6 month baby girl clothes, then filled in a couple gaps while garage-saling last weekend
• Able to claim a few of Mommy's stretch marks as yours as of last week:)
• Highly anticipated by your brother!  He talks about you everyday and cannot wait to meet you:)

At 31 Weeks, I am...

• Kickin' butt!  I exercised 5 of 7 days last week: several walks, water aerobics, and pregnancy workout class.  This is way different from my pregnancy with Luke when I didn't exercise at all.  I'm so grateful to feel well so I can continue to be active, especially with the beautiful spring weather we've been having!  I'm also looking forward to many walks with you in the stroller this summer!
• Have had my share of pelvic pressure, especially after I've been sitting for a while and then stand up.  But the good news is that it's intermittent and not every day.
• Have still been able to wear heels!  That probably sounds stupid, but in my mind it means I'm doing well physically.  When I was expecting Luke, I only had two pairs of shoes that fit and that I could stand wearing from much earlier in pregnancy.  I won't lie, I've been feeling the after effects of wearing heels more at 31 weeks than I did earlier in the pregnancy, but I can still wear them:) 
• Have had some swelling in my feet some days, but nothing bad at all
• Finding that standing still too much or bending over a lot wears on my low back.  I've been realizing it mostly when I help in Luke's class since I'm bending over the kids' tables a lot 
• Closer to making a car seat and stroller purchase...I just want to stop at the stores in town that carry them to be sure I like them in person since I've been doing most of my research online
• Enjoying having your company everywhere I go.  I love feeling your movements when I least expect it as if you're saying "Hey, don't forget about me".  It is also so fun when Daddy can feel your movements.  His eyes light up and he's always amazed at your strength and speed:)
• So grateful to have shared this Mother's Day pregnant with you and getting so close to meeting you!  After the ups and downs of the past four years of pregnancy hopes, losses, and waiting, we are overjoyed to be so close to meeting you!

Mother's Day?

I'm finding it hard to believe that Mother's Day is just a day this year because I have been so blessed already this week and it's not even the official day yet!  Luke's elementary school, Gibbs, sure makes Mother's Day special:)

On Wednesday, Luke's class went to the Mother's Day Store at school to shop for their moms.  Each child could bring $1-$5 to purchase a gift for their mom.  Luke came home with a paper grocery bag decorated with a bow and stapled shut.  It will be fun to see what he picked out for me:)

On Thursday, Luke's teacher had the kids fill out worksheets completing sentences about their moms. I volunteered in Luke's class that afternoon, but was working in the hall with a few kids so didn't get to see Luke's worksheet until we got home.  It completely melted my heart!

Luke's worksheet for Mom (I wrote underneath what he was spelling if you have trouble deciphering:))
Click on photo to view larger.

On Friday, Luke brought home a small plant that they started from seed in their class last month while learning about planting and plant growth.  It is just a few leaves now, but it will be a flower soon!  Again, this gift was in a brown lunch bag, that was decorated by Luke, and stapled shut.  He let me open this gift tonight so we could water it and get it in the sun. 

Proud of his plant

I'm telling you, my heart is already full from these precious gifts...I cannot believe I have the Mother's Day Store gift and another gift from Brent and Luke yet to open this weekend.  I am truly a blessed momma to be loved by such a sweet son and loving husband.

P.S. I just love how Luke is so like me when it comes to gifts.  He loves picking them out for people, putting thought into it, and he gets very excited to give the gifts as well. He already asked Brent tonight if he could give me the other two gifts to open.  He is certainly a boy after my own heart:)  I once gave Brent his Father's Day gift on Mother's Day because I was so excited to give it to him:)

May Day

May Day 2012 turned out to be a busy one!

We started the day with Luke's follow up eye doctor appointment.  You may remember from one of my March blog posts, that was patching his strong eye full time (pretty much from when he woke until about bed time) for the month of April with the goal of strengthening his weaker eye.  He did a great job patching, as usual, and was very patient with the longer days of wearing the patch.  Today we learned that it paid off!  His vision improved considerably and for the first time (that I can remember) he was able to see some of the 3D images during their testing!  This exciting news after about 9 months of patching prior (for 6 hours a day) that wasn't making any improvements.  Our eye doctor wants Luke to patch for another month, this time for 8 hours a day, to see if his vision will improve even more.  So, the patching will continue through mid-June. 

Playing with the hypercolor board in the waiting room at the eye doctor

Fun, random tidbit from our drive to the eye doctor today:  The topic of conversation ranged from who was the strongest super hero to why do people smoke.  Luke thought the strongest super hero was either Hulk or Thing.  We had a tricky time explaining how your body gets used to having cigarettes, but that it's also bad for your body to smoke them.  Deep thoughts for a six year old:)

At school today, the kindergarten classes had Construction Day (or in Luke's terminology: Destruction Day...he has a hard time saying construction and instruction, they both usually come out destruction:)).  They built buildings out of boxes, cups, and paper plates, made building plans for their construction projects, got to try out different building toys, and played with some levers that catapulted cotton balls.  Exciting, hands on fun for everyone! 

One view of Luke's construction project

Opposite view of construction project

Building plans for construction project

After school, Luke had his first of four Community Ed math class.  In his words, "The class was boring because the kids kept interrupting while the teacher read a book 'Once Upon a Dime'."  We're thinking bored was probably not the word he was looking for, maybe distracted or bothered??? Not sure, but we'll see what he says about the class next week:)

This evening we had another class (see, it was a busy May Day!) as a family with Mayo's prenatal education.  It was a sibling class that explains some of the realities of having a baby at your house, and what it will be like when Mom and Dad go to the hospital to have the baby.  They got a tour of the postpartum unit and got to see a brand new baby in the nursery.  They also practiced changing a diaper on a doll and swaddling a doll.  Luke said his favorite was the tour:)  We're very excited to see Luke in action as a big brother in just a couple months!

Diapering practice

Swaddling practice

T'was a busy May Day for the Pickers!  We're all vegging in our own way at home recovering: Luke watching a show, Brent with his Kindle, me blogging:)