Recently Read: Blessings

I finished reading Blessings by Anna Quindlen this week.  It was a birthday gift from Brent's mom, who often introduces me to authors I've never read.  I really liked the character development and the unique story.  I'm intrigued to read more of her work as the story lines I've read about so far all seem very different in topics. 

Characters:

• Skip - A young, groundskeeper who lives on the property of an elderly, rich woman
• Lydia - The elderly, rich woman

Skip and Lydia begin an interesting relationship after a newborn baby (who Skip named Faith) is abandoned at the door to Skip's apartment over the garage on Lydia's property. 

A few of my favorite quotes, my thoughts in blue. 

It occurred to Skip that babies had a way of making people exactly what they were but more so.  Faith had brought out the rectitude and responsibility in Mrs. Blessing (Lydia), the warmth in Jennifer Foster, and the capability in him, so that she had made him think well of himself. 

This statement was very intriguing to me.  I don't know that it's true for all people all of the time, but it was certainly true in this novel and I have seen babies bring out the best traits in lots of people around me. 

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(Lydia's thoughts) That was the sort of deaths they had now: such sad news.  Once there had been the unthinkable deaths, like Benny's (her brother) and Sunny's (her husband), deaths mercifully obliterated by sleep so that each morning, as her mind surfaced from dreaming, she would have to accept them all over again.  Then there were the deaths that changed the world, that broke it in two: her mother, her father.  There had been Jess's death (her best friend), which had left her feeling as though she had stiffened her spine and her shoulders for the funeral and had never again let them go.  The first had been the unthinkable deaths of youth, the second the wrenching losses of middle age.  Now there were the inevitable deaths of old age, which one after another prefigured her own.  Such sad news.

This quote made me think a lot about my grandparents and other older adults I know.  It really put into perspective how differently death impacts us as we age.  I remember hearing once from an older person that the time they see their friends is when they're at another friend's funeral.  What a very sad reality and reminder of your own inevitable mortality. 

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She had been inside empty houses in the past.  There was a weight to the emptiness of rooms in which you had once lived that was more fearsome than anything she had ever encountered in life, not because they were haunted, as she had joked with Skip, but because they were not.  The conversations, the quarrels, the long fraught silences, the tears: they had disappeared utterly and completely.  A cemetery was a place intended to be still.  It was here, where once there had been life, that death was felt most profoundly. 

Isn't this so true?  It's very hard to be in a house you have lived in with family and/or friends when those people are gone. There is an eeriness to the quiet after all of the life that was lived in the house together.  I dread the days I will most likely face in this life when I have to leave my parent's/grandparent's/own house empty after my loved ones are gone. 

High Five for Friday

#1

Nora's Booty

Nora's been walking for over a month, but it's only been the last few weeks that she's been choosing to walk 100% of the time (instead of crawling).  I have to tell you it is the cutest thing watching her toddle around...and, if possible, it's even cuter how her booty shakes when she toddles/waddles:)  I promise I'm going to get a video of it soon to post. I never want to forget the cuteness!

#2

Wrapping Christmas Gifts

I love Christmas shopping and wrapping gifts.  I had accumulated enough gifts to have a nice little wrapping session last weekend.  Sitting on the floor, surrounded by gifts and wrapping supplies is one of my happiest places:)  Luke also helped me by choosing the bows and gift tags to go with each gifts.  (Can you tell my love language is gift giving?;))

#3

Thanksgiving

I'm starting to think more about Thanksgiving this week.  We're celebrating with one extended family tomorrow and we're hosting the Pickers on Thanksgiving Day.  I just love this time of year when we get to see family, eat amazing food, and a five day weekend doesn't hurt either;)

#4

Basketball

My husband loves sports.  (If you've met him, you know this.)  I like sports, but I cannot possibly comprehend the love that Brent has for them.  But basketball, I like a lot more than other sports.  This week marked the beginning of Brent's city league basketball season.  I love the opportunity to watch him play and reminiscing on all of the years I've watched him play in high school and college.

She sat and watched the entire first half of Brent's game:)

#5

Luke's School

This week was the beginning of the second quarter so Luke brought home his report card for first quarter. He's doing well and even working ahead of his grade in math.  He is diligent with his reading and homework, he loves learning, and he makes me proud everyday.  

Luke's school also hosted an information session on the new reading leveling system implemented this year. It was very helpful in my understanding of the new system and how it impacts the curriculum for Luke.  We love Gibbs!

High Five for Friday...err...Sunday:)

So, I've been working on this High Five for a couple weeks and I missed another Friday...Here goes a High Five for Sunday!

#1

Time with my Luke

The past two weeks, Luke and I have had more quality time together than I feel like we've had in a long time.  Last week we had some Halloween fun with Haunted Hallways, Halloween coloring, made Pumpkin Spice Mini Muffins, and carving pumpkins. I was also able to help out in his class Wednesday morning. Last weekend we had a date night at Color Me Mine and painted one large pottery piece together. Luke is such a sweet, sweet boy and I love our time together:)

Color Me Mine painted pottery
pre-baking in the kiln

#2

Time with my Nora

Nora has been under the weather for about a month.  Among her perpetual teething, she's also had double ear infections and a nasty cold.  As a result, we've been getting a lot more snuggles.  I've been soaking in the snuggles and realizing that our baby girl is transforming into a toddler before our very eyes.  When I dance/sway with her to soothe her, her head rests on my shoulder and her feet reach me mid-thigh.  Oh how quickly they grow!  If for no other reason, I'm soaking in the snuggles while I can still hold her comfortably.

Watching Luke at swimming lessons

First time in overalls and I couldn't get
over the cuteness!

Intrigued by brother's lessons

 

Proud to be climbing on the
pool chairs by herself

Playing at the Mall play area for the first time

#3

Time with my Brent

We had a lovely relaxing weekend, probably the most low key since our cruise in the beginning of September.  We had lots of family time mostly just relaxing at home.  This Wednesday night, Brent and I also got a night out for a concert at the State Theater in Minneapolis to see Amos Lee.  It was a great concert and the State Theater was a beautiful venue.  All in all a great night!

The beautiful State Theater

Mr. Amos Lee and his talented band

#4

Time with Family

On Halloween we got to see both sets of grandparents, Rochester siblings, and cousins.  The kids also got time with both sets of grandparents while Brent and I had plans this past week.  And, this weekend we celebrated birthdays and anniversaries in the Beckmann family.  We even got to see Greg & Cally for the Amos Lee concert last week.  Lots of fun to be had!

#5

Time with Friends 

We had a game night with friends last week, a play date at the mall this week, and a few other visits with friends in between.  We are blessed to be surrounded by such lovely people:)

Remembering Grandma

Thirteen years ago this week we lost my dear Grandma Beckmann suddenly.  I cannot believe it's been that long ago already and I'm reminded how much of my happiest, adult moments I've missed sharing with her. 

When I think of Grandma Beckmann, I think of dancing trees, roadside clean up, her enormous station wagon, grapefruit, Easter crafts, weekend sleepovers, old school curlers, raspberries, and amazing food.

Dancing Trees

I remember Grandma always pointing out the beauty of nature like the crimson sumac and what she called "the dancing tress."  Grandma thought that evergreen trees looked like they danced when they blew in the wind.  And blow they did in the open farm land where she lived:)  As a kid I would often think "yeah, yeah, the trees..." and would quickly shift my thoughts elsewhere.  But today I think of Grandma often when I too notice the dancing trees and beauty of nature around me. 

Roadside Clean Up and Grandma's Station Wagon

I don't know what motivated Grandma in this initiative -- maybe she was a "green thinker" before her time, maybe she wanted to cash in the spare change we'd collect from recycling the pop cans, or maybe she was just looking for something to occupy the grandkids:)  Either way, I recall cleaning the ditches around my grandparent's farm on several occasions.  We'd drive along the gravel roads in Grandma's station wagon (first her smaller blue one, later her enormous woody wagon) cleaning up trash and collecting pop cans from the ditches along the fields.  I don't know if it's a direct correlation, but I am a very adamant recycler today...maybe Grandma planted the seed:)

Grapefruit

I only remember eating grapefruit at Grandma's house.  I remember she had bowls that were the perfect size for the grapefruit to fit when they were cut in half half:)  I don't eat grapefruit much as an adult, but every time I do, I think of breakfast at Grandma's table.

Easter Crafts

Technically this should be singular since I only remember one Easter craft in particular, but man did it make an impression on me.  Grandma had gotten these styrofoam eggs that had flat bottoms so theycould stand on end and had one side carved out so they looked like they were meant to display something in it.  She had little things we could glue on our sytrofoam egg and I remember diligently gluing beads on my egg to decorate it.  For years to come after making this craft, I was always so proud to display my decorated egg with our Easter decorations at home and I fondly remembered that day crafting with Grandma. 

Weekend Sleepovers and Old School Curlers

We spent a lot of weekends as a family at my grandparents when I was young.  It was important to my parents that we have relationships with our grandparents and my dad also enjoyed the opportunity to help in the fields or on tasks around the farm.  I loved the coziness of Grandma and Grandpa's house after dark.  Since they lived in the country, they didn't have curtains on the windows in their main living area and it felt like the darkness enveloped the house.  It was also the time of day that guarranteed everyone was in the house together.  (We always lived in town so the darker night intrigued me without the street lights, etc casting a glow.) 

Grandma never required much sleep.  She'd still be busying herself around the house as the rest of us would settle in to watch the local news and Johnny Carson.  Since we usually stayed weekends, Grandma would typically wear curlers to bed Saturday nights before church.  About the time we'd all be heading to bed, she'd settle in at the head of the dining room table with her old tin can filled with old school curlers.  The tin can was probably filled with coffee grounds long ago, but now its rim was lined with hairpins.  I always wondered how Grandma slept in those curlers, but then again...Grandma never slept much.

Raspberries

More specifically raspberries direct from Grandma's garden in a bowl with half and half cream and sugar to taste.  My mouth is watering as I type!  This was a summer staple at Grandma's house and is still one of my favorites to this day. 

Amazing Food

Grandma could cook.  Period.  She typically did not use recipes, she cooked horribly unhealthy by today's standards, and it always tasted amazing!  Her mashed potatoes melted in your mouth, her baked beans were the best I've ever had, and she made my dad's all time favorite dish: mandarin orange salad (once again, not healthy...it was actually a jello "salad"...no lettuce involved;)).  This had nothing to do with her cooking abilities, but I also remember that, with every meal, the dining room table had a small plate stacked high with Wonder bread.  Intended to be slathered with butter (Grandma wasn't acquainted with margarine) as a hearty addition to anything she served. 

Grandma had six children and thirteen grandchildren, but most all of the memories above, I think of just Grandma and I.  I know that most likely was not the case, rather I think she had a quiet, soothing ability to make you feel special even in the midst of the many others she loved.

When I picture Grandma, I see her seated on the steps to her front door waving goodbye to us as we left after a weekend filled with great food, time together, and fond memories. 

Recently Read: The Lost Husband

When I read a book, even fiction, I like to keep tabs on my favorite quotes from it.  I recently read The Lost Husband by Katherine Center.  I've read all of her books and especially enjoy that all of her main characters are mothers with young children. I can relate for some reason;)  I suggest you check her out for a quick, light-hearted read about the self discoveries that continue to impact mom as she mothers young children. 

Characters:

• Libby - Widowed mother of two kids: Abby (8) and Tank (6)
• Jean - Libby's aunt who runs a goat farm and invited Libby to live with her and work on the farm

Some of my favorite quotes from The Lost Husband...I hope they impact you even though you have not read the book:)  My comments are in blue.

All I knew was that watching your children survive their childhoods was so much worst than surviving your own. 

Can I get an amen!  I've thought this so many times as I watch Luke experience some very similar personality traits and situations that I remember all too well from my childhood. 

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Libby:  "I don't want my kids to be like me.  I want them to be better than me."
Aunt Jean: "They're (referring to her two kids) going to be different.  They're just going to be their own selves with their own struggles and disappointments and heartbreaks."

I share similar thoughts to the first quote above.

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You can never appreciate your children so fully as when they are asleep, when you're just a bystander.  Awake they're looking at you--for answer, for reactions--and being looked at can make it hard to see.  When they're asleep, though, it frees you to do some looking yourself.

So very true.

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They did a study a while ago that discovered old people were quite a bit happier than young people.  And nobody could understand it.  How could it be that people in nursing homes were happier than their sexy young counterparts?  All these theories went around.  Maybe it was because they'd made their big decisions already and didn't have them looming ahead.  Maybe it was because they were past the intensity of dealing with children.  Maybe it was some kind of age-induced brain damage.  But then one researcher got it right.  He said they were happier because they had already learned what life had to teach them. 

I think about that idea a lot when we talk about Abby (the daughter) and her bully--about whether his behavior is tearing her down or making her stronger. And I wonder if stepping in and protecting people from the pain of life actually makes life more painful in the end.

As a therapist (Aunt Jean speaking), I always tell people that it's not really what happens to you that matters as much as who you become in response to those things.

So much truth!  Our experiences, good or bad, add up to who we are today.

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I (Libby) found myself thinking about how parents always seem like giants to their kids. They seem to control the whole world.  But of course that's just perspective.  It's not that parents are big, it's that kids are small.  It's not that parents are powerful, it's that kids are powerless.  My kids made the mistake all the time of thinking I should know things that I didn't, or that I should be able to solve things that I couldn't.  There was no way for them to understand that I was just me--just a former child myself.  And for the first time it hit me that my mother, in this way at least, was exactly the same. 

I often remember how I used to think that my mom knew everything and I also thought she could see through walls because she always knew when I needed her.  It makes me wonder how Luke views me and Brent...if we're super heroes in his mind too:)  It's so interesting to think about now that I'm "on the other side" of parenting.

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Libby's response after Abby, her daughter, got in a fight at school.
I am an awesome mom.  And do you know what makes me awesome?  Because I try so hard.  I let you down sometimes, and I forget your lunch sometimes, and I certainly can't protect you from everything.  But I don't give up.  Even though I make mistakes, and even though I'm nowhere even close to the perfect mother that I'd give anything for you and Tank to have, I pick myself up after every stumble and I get back after it and I keep trying--harder than I've ever tried at anything in my life.  Because raising you and Tank is the most important thing I will ever do.
"You really do try, Mama."  Abby said.
I nodded, feeling like I was giving her a terrific life lesson.  "And that's what makes anybody great at anything.  Just trying like hell."
"You hear that, right? Because I think that's probably the smartest thing I will ever say to you."

Sometimes it's the simplest things we tell our kids that make the most impact:)

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I would always miss Danny (deceased husband).  No matter how full my life became, there would always be a hole where his living presence had been.  But the truth was, I was already better.  And not despite that hole--but because of it.  His loss was now a part of the story of my life.  And that was okay.  the things I had weren't negated by the things I didn't have.  In fact, missing things made having other things that much sweeter.  And, what's more, the very worst thing I could possibly imagine had happened to me, but I was still okay. 

You can't just wish strength for yourself.  Or wisdom.  Or resilience.  Those things have to be earned.  I felt calm as I thought about it.  I never would have traded Danny for those things.  Now that I had them, though, I had no choice but to be grateful.

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I'd tried so hard to make a perfect, untouchable life for myself.  But trouble finds you.  Tragedy finds you.  And we keep trying anyway.  We hope for the best.  We believe we can make something for ourselves--something good that will last--even though, at the exact same time, we know we can't.

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Anything was possible.  Everything was uncertain.  But I knew one thing for sure: I'd bounced back before, and I would do it again and again and again.  Because that's the only choice there is.  And as many things as I still had to lose, I had just as many more left to find. 

Remembering past resilience gives me so much more confidence for the future.