Waiting...

From my last post, you know we're approaching 33 weeks of pregnancy with Nora.  This week I've started feeling a lot of antsiness (I'm sure that's a word;)) about getting things done before she arrives.  I cannot tell you how many lists I have started:  to do before Nora, do buy before Nora, to do after Nora arrives, etc.  Well, after talking with my lovely husband, who puts up with my lists and antsiness about the future regularly, I'm realizing the root cause of all of these feelings and attempts to prepare:  lack of control.  I know our life is going to be turned upside down once Nora arrives and my lack of control over that reality and lack of ability to plan for that reality have been leading me to make lists/plans for the things I can control.  Ridiculous I know, but it's my coping mechanism.  I know there is a level of being prepared that exists, like we need a car seat before she's born so we can bring her home from the hospital.  But I also know that if we forget something we are less than five miles from WalMart.  I may not feel up to a shopping trip after Nora arrives, but Brent could easily run to the store to get whatever we need. 

I'm also having a harder time with the unknowns of labor and delivery.  I don't remember having this anxiety while pregnant with Luke, but I didn't have any frame of reference the first time around either.  We are planning for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with Nora and have gotten no news from the doctor that we would be unable to try.  But still, every time we go to the doctor, I wonder if we'll learn something that would change our VBAC plans.

I'm also feeling strange as I wait for Nora.  I'm ready to meet our little girl and begin our "new normal."  In the midst of those thoughts, I'm also sad to see the 6+ years we've had with just Luke coming to an end.  Brent mentioned the other day that after Nora comes we will have a hard time remembering life before her.  I know that is true because I cannot remember life before Luke.  I don't want to wish our final days away as a family of three. 

All in all, I'm just not good at waiting.  I feel like I could/should be doing something to prepare for the changes ahead, but I'm trying to be content where we are in these final weeks before Nora arrives.  I am trying to embrace where we are: I can rest when I need, read a book when I want...pretty much take life at our desired pace.  Life with an infant will revolve around baby's feeding and sleeping and the rest of life fits in between somehow:) 

I think that about covers my rambles for the day.  It feels good to admit where I'm at, even if I don't have it all figured out:)